The first thing to forget about social etiquette is that it is, by default, elegant behavior. Acting appropriately doesn’t always mean being elegant and prideful. Even in courtly behavior where social etiquette begins, your behavior will depend on the circumstances.

Additionally, while many rules were adopted from originally the French and later the English court and have little practical significance today, there are still many that are very practical. Rules about introductions, dining, and even following the dress code are very reasonable.

For those who wish to observe all of the rules and traditions modern etiquette entails there is no better way than starting social etiquette classes. But, for those who simply want to follow etiquette in their everyday life, it’s sufficient to be calm, observant, and kind. Everything else follows from those three behavioral patterns.

Social Etiquette as an Established Code of Conduct

Etiquette in general has everything to do with what is expected. As previously mentioned, this will vary depending on the situation so it is important to be prepared for the situation you will encounter.

The primary focus will always be on interpersonal expectations when communicating. While in the modern age what is considered a peer, a superior, and an inferior is quite different than before, such hierarchies are not completely removed from society.

One of the remaining stratifications is when you consider age. You should never act the same way towards your elders as you would juniors. Presumed respect, tact, and privilege due to age are mandatory.

This doesn’t mean that you are to accept to be disrespected by your elders, or that you can disrespect your juniors, but that you presume that someone twice your age might have twice the experience as well.

Alternatively, one of the areas where such distinctions no longer exist, especially in places like the United States, is hierarchy based on economic class. All of the adult working people should be treated with the same respect, and actual landed titles mean very little when there are farmers with more land.

Yet, you should always use preferred titles as people introduce themselves. Similarly, you should always use your full name and title when introducing yourself.

Why do We Use Social Etiquette?

Following etiquette makes most social settings easier. When you know what to expect and what is expected from you, that relieves a lot of stress and anxiety from the situation. If you know others will be kind, calm, and observant as well you can relax and only do what you are supposed to.

Additionally, there is the issue of implied respect. All social interactions become easier if everyone is acting respectfully. And, if you know the implied rules of body language, you can communicate much better without doing anything that would embarrass you in a wider group.

For instance, you can accept or reject business proposals without socially affecting the other party. This in turn, makes it more likely that you would receive business proposals because the cost of failure is so low.

Quite similar is the issue with romantic proposals. Especially for ladies, showing interest can be an awkward social task, especially if the interest ends up not being mutual. But, through social etiquette and body language, the whole process can be painless even if unsuccessful.

Avoiding Awkwardness and Embarrassment

While most etiquette rules and taboos are quite sensible and would be virtually automatic to any well-behaved adult, there are actions that would be considered faux pas in some situations. Knowing the exact rules will prevent you from crossing those lines and allow you to work comfortably through events, even with people outside of your clique.

One very common mistake and a good example is discussion about health. While wishing good health is a common courtesy, inquiries in depth or mentions of someone’s ailments in public are not acceptable. It is possible that we are asking out of the best of intentions, but as we are encroaching on the privacy of others this line of discussion should be avoided.

Enabling Social Networking

Especially when it comes to social etiquette for children, it is very important that we establish rules of engagement early. There is no second chance for a first impression, and how you introduce yourself and start a conversation is everything.

Using proper names and introducing people in the right order is just a first step. It is also important to have introductory pleasantries to any subject you would like to discuss, or if there is any activity at a future date where you would like to invite the other party.

Etiquette serves as a social lubricant in this regard, as you can check someone’s interests without being overly pushy. For instance, if you wish to invite someone to horse riding, you can simply ask if they enjoy equestrian sports. If the answer is yes, you can prompt further. If you get “I could never,” you can simply close with an “understandable” and change the subject.

Ensuring Self Respect

A frequently overlooked aspect of etiquette is the fact it ensures self-respect. If you are confident in how you are behaving and know that your vocabulary, body language, and attire are adequate there is no reason to be overly timid in social situations.

By learning and following all of the rules, as well as showing respect to others who are, you can be adamant in expecting respect for yourself. And, if such respect from the other party is not present, it is not you who is to blame, but rather the party committing the faux pas.

Promoting Competence Hierarchies

Hierarchies exist for a reason. Not all of them are sensible or righteous, but as a concept, they are needed in society. Simply, none share the same interests and thus have the same competencies. Through etiquette, we can politely learn who is in charge of which area and listen when such subjects come to prominence within the discussion.

And since everyone is listening and observing, it becomes easy to learn who is who as well as to show your own competencies if necessary. Especially in modern times where there are more egalitarian attitudes towards age and gender, as well as a much wider range of interests, such a divide becomes ever more important.

You want others to be familiar with which subjects are important to you. That way, if they have something to discuss with you they will know that they can approach both to offer and request assistance.

Similarly, if you ever need something, you will have the general knowledge of who is the person to ask who will be willing to help you in your situation.

What is Social Etiquette?