What is Cotillion?: A Guide to the Traditions and Advantages of Etiquette Education

It is a misconception that etiquette is solely a class signifier. Or, at least, it has little to do with the financial privilege of one's upbringing. There are plenty of those who slurp loudly from their silver spoon, and there is little preventing anyone of any origin from learning cotillion.

Cotillion is a dance. And while it may require some talent to become proficient, it has much more to do with patience and observance than with any affinity toward dancing. This makes it the prime showcase of etiquette, as it embodies all the values a properly acting person should have.

And, the values learned and portrayed through etiquette have many more advantages than simply seeming polite.

Advantages of Etiquette Education

It is best to start with the main advantage of etiquette education, which is social mobility. Knowing how to act in different situations will allow you to join social groups that might otherwise be averse to your company.

And, if the rules are more relaxed, you can relax with them. As a matter of fact, knowing the rules is the first step in being able to break them when that is deemed beneficial.

Additionally, with bilateral relations, it is always better to start on a high note. If you open a social conflict politely, it is fairly easy to downgrade a relationship to more uncouth behavior. But, if you start rude and ill-mannered it is difficult to upgrade it to a more sensible level.

The second advantage is personal coordination. Especially if you practice etiquette daily, many otherwise awkward social situations will pass with a dose of automation. This is primarily true when it comes to practiced patience and observance. In such situations, you can act gracefully and kindly while considering your next move.

And, thankfully for those blessed with a meeker spirit, some techniques would allow you to do nothing but present platitudes and still be considered well-mannered. 

Finally, the third major advantage of etiquette education is self-respect. Although achieved with time and practice, learning how to wait, think, observe, speak appropriately, and expect the same from others will mean that you are never placing yourself beneath anyone else in any situation.

With those who will be kind and considerate toward you, there is an established equality. To those who wish to be rude, obnoxious, or even aggressive, they have chosen to be beneath you on their own accord.

Cotillion as a Show of Etiquette

Cotillion is a fairly old dance which standardized in France as “cotillon” and refers directly to the petticoat, or underskirt. It consists of an organized set with both pair dancing and a more collective engagement. But, in common understanding, it started to refer to more than the dance itself, including the ball and all of the entertainment that comes with it.

Cotillion is a fine representation of etiquette training exactly because it can range from a very formal gathering focused on the waltz to a rather mischievous set of square dances and icebreakers meant to facilitate friendships and courtships by young ladies and gentlemen.

During a cotillion, it is necessary to observe the mood of the gathering and patiently wait your turn to act and contribute.  As a debutante, you will never be the first one to open any ceremony. And, if you know what the options are already you will have an easy time following the example.

But, it is necessary to follow the four rules of patience, humility, poise, and observance. 

Patience

Any formal social gathering, and thus a cotillion included, has a structure. Each participant will get their turn in each part of the activity. It is important to gracefully wait your turn.

Especially before any dancing begins, and in particular when it comes to very posh gatherings, the ambiance might be slightly boring for modern sensibilities. Remember that for debutants a couple of centuries ago this might have been the first opportunity to dance with the opposite gender in public or have any type of prolonged contact.

You will need to practice patience and abstain from leaning, yawning, or exhibiting any behavior that would show a lack of patience or disregard for the gathering.

Humility

Each of us is the main character of our own story. That being said, you should always remember that you are also a supporting character in someone else’s story. While you should never demean yourself, you also shouldn’t presume everyone is there just for you.

Being humble is certainly one of the heavenly virtues, and it can also be considered the cornerstone of good etiquette.

Poise

Some might consider poise to be contrary to humility, but it is quite the opposite. It used to refer to balance in general, but today, poise is understood as holding yourself properly. Your back should be straight, your jaw level, and your eyes open and direct.

In some, more archaic, settings, the etiquette of poise for women remains to be different than those for men. But, in modern courses, there is no difference in the perception of social standing, and as such eye contact and open demeanor are expected of both young and women of age as it is from men.

Observance

During a cotillion, your observance will be tested at each stage. Both when deciding where to stand, how you are following those who are more experienced, and how is the other side responding to you.

Primarily, you should be observant of yourself. This will include your posture and your facial expressions. Further, you should observe your surroundings and be mindful of the space and movement.

Finally, you should be observant of others. If you conclude that your dance partner is confident and direct, be open to the idea of them leading. If you notice that they are anxious, offer a helping hand and take the lead.

Respectful Behavior is Respect Shown to Oneself

In the era of modernism, frequently influenced by TV and cinema, we frequently forget the reasons for good etiquette and behavior. Even common courtesies like “please,” “thank you,” and “you are welcome” are becoming increasingly rare.

But, behaving properly is as much about your self-respect as it is about showing respect for others. If you know that you are behaving properly, that you are speaking clearly and concisely, and that your mannerisms are graceful and well-understood, you can expect the same of others.

With trained etiquette, there is no reason to feel embarrassed or anxious in any situation. Even if you don’t know the rules for that situation in particular, you will know the overall rules. Not to mention that graceful people asking for social directions are seen as humble and playful, while rude people asking the same are just seen as embarrassing.